


Hold My Hand (and don't let go)

by Zantedeschia



Category: The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde - Robert Louis Stevenson
Genre: 3+1 Things, 5+1 Things, At least the first three are, Boys In Love, But technically, Canon Era, Depiction of Violence, Fluff, Idiots in Love, M/M, OR IS IT, Oh god someone help them, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pining, Pre-Canon, Unrequited Love, hand holding, the last one is before Hyde's creation, uni-era boys, with a dash of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-13 20:09:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29531766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zantedeschia/pseuds/Zantedeschia
Summary: Three times Utterson held Jekyll's hand (and one time Jekyll held his)
Relationships: Henry Jekyll/Gabriel John Utterson
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	Hold My Hand (and don't let go)

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this Tumblr post: https://corvidayyy.tumblr.com/post/641986423473438720/a-canon-implied-moment-from-jh-you-cannot

Henry has been rereading the same sentence for the past hour, squinting at the dim lighting in the library. He ran a hand through his dark hair. He couldn't think straight, his mind was clouded and hazy, focusing on anything but the contents of the book he has been reading.

The words are blurring in his mind, eyelids heavy and head spinning. He blinked, trying to organize his muddled thoughts. Finals are going to be hell, as always. He had read the material over and over, revised and rewrote his notes, and yet it is not enough to still his nerves.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and he jerked at the contact, his spectacles almost falling off, the haze in his mind clearing ever so slightly.

"Henry, calm down, it's only me." a voice softly said. He didn't need to look to know that it was Gabriel John Utterson who uttered those words.

"It's past midnight, you should be asleep by now." the other chastised, sliding into a chair next to him.

"I could tell you the same thing." he mumbled, burying his nose to his book, trying not to get distracted by Gabriel's close proximity.

"Henry..." Gabriel murmured, gently prying the book off of Henry's grip, then returning it to its designated spot, "you shouldn't overwork yourself, even Hastie is asleep by now."

Henry stifled a chuckle. "Because you had dragged him to bed too, didn't you?"

Gabriel rolled his eyes at that. "Of course, I had to. You two have no concept of a proper sleep schedule." he scoffed.

"You're not our mother, Gabriel."

"And yet what would you do without me?" he countered, hazel eyes twinkling with amusement and fondness.

"Die, probably." Henry answered with a quiet laugh, arranging his notepads.

His companion giggled at the response, covering his mouth as he does, and Henry felt like he had just heard angels sing.

He tried not to think too much about how he adored the way those hazel eyes will sparkle with unspoken happiness, how he felt comfort and warmth at the sound of that soft voice, how a blush would make its way to his pale visage whenever the other was near.

Even here, in the near darkness, it felt like Gabriel emits a soft glow that brightens up the dimmest room.

"Probably." Gabriel finally said with a smile. He took his hand and Henry's heart seemingly forgot how to beat for a second.

"Your hands are so soft, Henry! Quite a useful trait for a doctor to have." he remarked. For once, Henry was thankful for the dark surroundings, since he is probably as red as a tomato by now.

"T-thank you?" he stuttered, clutching his notebooks to his chest as if it would shield the erratic beating of his heart.

Gabriel intertwined their fingers and dragged him off his chair, heading to the door. "Come on, let's get you to bed." he stated, blissfully unaware of his friend's flustered state.

As they quietly rushed through the moonlit halls, Henry Jekyll realized what it felt like to be in love.

\----------

Winter has never been Henry's favorite season. The bleak and empty surroundings, the harsh and volatile weather, and the cold, the bitter icy cold, it unnerves him.

He suppressed a shiver, wrapping his coat more tightly around him, the lower half of his face buried under his scarf. He looked at his hands, shaking and paler than normal almost pure white, he could practically hear Gabriel scolding him for forgetting his gloves again.

Tucking his hands in his pockets, he continued his walk to his and Gabriel's shared dorm, sparing a tired smile to anyone who looked at him.

Reaching the dorm, he pulled out his keys, only to find it unlocked and with a reading Gabriel inside.

"Henry!" the other said, looking from where he was sitting in front of the fireplace. "Come inside, it's cold out there." he smiled, patting the spot on the floor next to him.

Shrugging off his coat, he accepted the offer, eager to get closer to the warmth(though if it is from the fireplace or Gabriel's presence, he wasn't sure). His scarf stayed, keeping what little heat was left of him.

They sat together in comfortable silence. Only the crackling fire from the hearth, the occasional sound of turning pages, and Gabriel's hushed humming filled the quietness of the room.

Henry relaxed, relishing the warmth and familiarity, a stark contrast to the grim coldness outside. He observed Gabriel, how his hazel eyes seemed lost in the world the book contains, his slender fingers carefully turning the delicate pages, his soft brown curls, his features illuminated by the flickering flames of the fireplace, casting a hazy glow around him. Gabriel looked gorgeous.

He averted his gaze back to the fire, painfully aware of the blush creeping it's way to his cheek. It isn't right to feel this way to a man, is it? Especially not one who sees you as a friend and only as a friend. And yet he cannot tear his mind away from Gabriel's eyes, Gabriel's hair, Gabriel's touch, Gabriel, _Gabriel_.

"Henry, are you okay?" said a gentle voice that made butterflies flutter in his stomach. "You look awfully cold."

Gabriel reached for his hands and flinched at the coldness of it. "Henry! You forgot your gloves again didn't you?" he chastised in the tone he always used whenever Henry or Hastie does something stupid.

He covered Henry's freezing hands with his smaller ones, attempting to warm them up. Henry buried his face deeper into his scarf, trying to hide the blush that's burning in his cheeks.

"Your hands are paler than usual, you could've gotten a frostbite." said Gabriel, still holding Henry's hands. "By God, Harry, be mindful next time!"

Despite the wild rhythm of his heart, Henry managed a fond chuckle. _Ever so caring, dear Gabriel. Dammit man, how can someone not adore you?_

They simply stayed like that, basking in each other's company. And when Gabriel drew his hands back, Henry felt a sudden emptiness within him.

\----------

Henry is shivering. If it's because of the cold or the quiet sobs that raked his form, he wasn't sure. One hand was clamped over his mouth, trying to stifle his anguished whimpers. The other was pulling on his hair, the pain anchoring him to reality.

It was dark, so dark, something could be hiding in the shadows, carrying a knife, sporting a devilish grin, blood staining it's reddish hair and sickly pale skin. Something could drag him away, tear his innards apart, drain his blood and leave him to die. Something could-

Something laid a hand on his shoulder, he let out a distressed cry and jerked away.

"Henry..." that unmistakable voice, in an instant, Henry relaxed.

"Gabriel...?" he croaked, wiping away his tears. "I'm sorry for waking you..."

He felt the hand on his shoulder again and this time he didn't flinch. Instead, he leans closer.

"Nightmares?" the other gently inquired.

He nodded, not trusting himself to speak and silently praying that Gabriel would not question further.

He felt the bed's weight shift and arms wrapping around him, he sinks into the warmth and comfort. And it feels like washing ashore after months fighting against the raging torrents, like tasting water after weeks in a desert. It feels like coming home.

"It's alright." Gabriel whispered, gently taking Henry's hands. "You're not alone."

Henry's eyes slip close, letting Gabriel's soft humming lull him back to sleep.

\----------

The years past, the seasons change, the flowers bloom then wither, people will come to our lives then promptly leave. Nothing is permanent, everything is just a fleeting moment. And while this has been a heavy topic for the great philosophers from the past, it doesn't bother Henry that much. The only thing constant is change, after all.

At least, that's what he believes, which was constantly challenged by the fact that it has been 30 years and he still feels the same way for his best friend. Or maybe that too changed? From an idle fancy to soft fondness to devoted love. It feels like everything changed and yet everything stayed the same, Gabriel will forever be just within his reach and yet still so far away.

They were sitting next to each other on the sofa now, in front of the blazing fireplace, shoulders not quite touching, minds hazy from alcohol. Henry was fighting the impulse to lean in to Gabriel's side.

He observed Gabriel, like he did on that fateful day next to the fireplace. His hazel eyes, now more mature and tired but still containing that kindly spark he had associated him with, his curls combed back, his small, soft hand gripping at his glass of gin, while the other lay limp on his lap.

Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the need for contact, maybe it was the decades of repressed feelings and unspoken admiration, maybe it was the combination of all three. Whatever caused it, he had reached for Gabriel's hand.

Gabriel raised his head in surprise, yet said nothing. Their fingers intertwined, it felt so natural, as if this was the way it was supposed to be.

Neither said a word, neither mustered the courage to meet the other's eye, neither dared to put a name of what exists between them.

 _I love you,_ Henry wanted to say, _and I'm sorry..._


End file.
